shifting sands
Rachelle always accuses me of being so domesticated now. It's funny, because back in high school I never would've guessed what I would be like 10 years later. You know how each person in a family fulfills a role? Well, Ashley had already taken "responsible," "neat," "level-headed," and "organized," so I became the "wild," "irresponsible," "unpredictable" child.
Fast forward a decade... When I was "on my own" in college, I began to change. I saw myself becoming more and more like my mom and sister. I got in touch with the nurturing and motherly side of myself. (I also discovered cooking, baking, cleaning, decorating, scrapbooking, and later, gardening.) The facade behind which I hid during my teenage years simply for the sake of having my own unique identity was crumbling. It wasn't so much that I was trying to be fake, but I was still trying to discover who I was, trying on different personalities, changing with the wind. (On a side note, it's interesting that God created/wired men and women so differently, with specific roles and instinctive qualities. Not that I'm necessarily against feminism, but... Anyway, that's a topic for another day. :P)
When I was little, I wanted to be just like my big sister. She liked dolphins, so I liked dolphins. She liked dogs and so I decided to like dogs. She played volleyball and swam, so I played volleyball and swam. She went to Michigan, so I went to Michigan. I wanted to be her! But at the same time, I had this conflicting sense of wanting to be different and set myself apart. This was even apparent in our weddings -- I wanted my wedding to be completely different from Ken and Ashley's, even though theirs was beautiful. Their wedding was elegant, classic, timeless, and traditional, with satin, corsets and tiaras. I strived to make ours romantic and whimsical, with gardens and flowy things and lace.
Over the years, I've discovered my true identity in Christ. Everything else in this world is constantly shifting and changing. I am not defined by the music on my playlist or my SAT scores or my birth order position or my ethnicity or my Myers-Briggs personality type (ENFJ, if you were curious). I am defined solely by the saving grace of Jesus Christ, as a daughter of the Most High King.
Haha. I started this post thinking that this blog needed some pictures so I was just gonna post a couple pictures of my garden. But then I started rambling. :)
Anyway, in honor of my
new self, behold, my dahlias and asiatic lilies!
Fast forward a decade... When I was "on my own" in college, I began to change. I saw myself becoming more and more like my mom and sister. I got in touch with the nurturing and motherly side of myself. (I also discovered cooking, baking, cleaning, decorating, scrapbooking, and later, gardening.) The facade behind which I hid during my teenage years simply for the sake of having my own unique identity was crumbling. It wasn't so much that I was trying to be fake, but I was still trying to discover who I was, trying on different personalities, changing with the wind. (On a side note, it's interesting that God created/wired men and women so differently, with specific roles and instinctive qualities. Not that I'm necessarily against feminism, but... Anyway, that's a topic for another day. :P)
When I was little, I wanted to be just like my big sister. She liked dolphins, so I liked dolphins. She liked dogs and so I decided to like dogs. She played volleyball and swam, so I played volleyball and swam. She went to Michigan, so I went to Michigan. I wanted to be her! But at the same time, I had this conflicting sense of wanting to be different and set myself apart. This was even apparent in our weddings -- I wanted my wedding to be completely different from Ken and Ashley's, even though theirs was beautiful. Their wedding was elegant, classic, timeless, and traditional, with satin, corsets and tiaras. I strived to make ours romantic and whimsical, with gardens and flowy things and lace.
Over the years, I've discovered my true identity in Christ. Everything else in this world is constantly shifting and changing. I am not defined by the music on my playlist or my SAT scores or my birth order position or my ethnicity or my Myers-Briggs personality type (ENFJ, if you were curious). I am defined solely by the saving grace of Jesus Christ, as a daughter of the Most High King.
Haha. I started this post thinking that this blog needed some pictures so I was just gonna post a couple pictures of my garden. But then I started rambling. :)
Anyway, in honor of my
new self, behold, my dahlias and asiatic lilies!
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