With all the hype this past month about Amy Chua's WSJ article "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior," I thought I'd chime in with my thoughts, too.  (If you haven't read it, check it out, but be warned that it's just an out-of-context excerpt from her book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" -- for which I'm on the waitlist at the library! :P)  Reading this brought out a lot of mixed feelings in me.  My sister and I grew up with the classic "Chinese tiger mother" experience.  My mom isn't quite as extreme as Amy Chua, but she was still a tiger. ;)  My dad taught me algebra around the time I was learning to ride a bike, and I studied SAT vocab words in middle school.  Every summer I was sent to either a music or academic camp -- Mascot, Dimensions, Center for Talent Development at Northwestern, Blue Lake Fine Arts Camp, Meadowmount School of Music... the list goes on. 

I started violin lessons when I was 5 (my mother claims that I begged her to learn).  In high school, I wasn't allowed to go out with friends much -- I remember my school friends always teasing me that I led a secret double life because they never saw me after school.  My senior year, I basically spent every waking moment on school or violin.  In one week, I usually had:

• private violin lessons
• youth symphony rehearsal
• piano trio rehearsal
• piano trio class
• quartet rehearsal
• quartet lesson
• a studio of 18 little violin students that I taught for ten bucks a lesson

In addition, my mom tried to make me practice for 2 hours a day during the school year, and during summers at music camp, I'd practice for 6 hours a day.  I gave 2 solo recitals every year starting in 6th grade, where I'd perform an entire program by myself starting with a partita or sonata of Solo Bach and ending with a full concerto or symphony.  I had numerous competitions, master classes, and all-state events throughout the year.

Through all this, I kicked and screamed and begged to quit.  I recorded in my diary countless fights with my mom -- mostly about practicing violin or boys.  I wanted my rights to a normal American childhood.  My mom and I are similar in that we are both very passionate people, so our arguments were very heated, with a lot of screaming, crying, slammed doors and broken objects.

However, on the same note, we both also love passionately!  See, even after all the traumatizing pressure that was a result of my Chinese upbringing, I love my parents deeply! :)  This makes me feel like Chinese parenting can work, and your kids will not necessarily hate you or have low self-esteem at the end of the day.  (Although I do note the many, many sad cases of depression, suicide, etc. that result from this kind of parenting.)  On the other hand, I absolutely admire the American parenting emphasis on relational skills, well-roundedness, and encouragement.  I think the key is that you have to balance everything with LOVE.  After a fight, my mom and I would make up.  She would come into my room, take her socks off, flop on the bed, and there would be a time of hugs and laughter.  Now when I look back, I truly appreciate that my parents constantly challenged me and pushed me to do my best.  I actually play violin for fun now -- and I enjoy it! 

But really, it doesn't really matter whether your parenting style is Chinese or American or Nepalese or whatever -- GOD'S WAY is the best way!  My parenting guidebook will be God's Word.  I want to teach my kids the Biblical principles of unconditional love, finding our identity in Christ alone, and self-worth from God's infinite love for us -- in fact, God loved us SO much that he sent his only son Jesus that whoever believes in him will have eternal life. <3